Wrapping up the Year!

As the year comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on everything that has
transpired over the past 360 days. Three main things have struck a deep
chord inside of me:
1. God's timing is always right.
2. I struggle with single mom pride (not being humble enough to receive help).
3. Life is sweet and fulfilling on the narrow road.

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The boys are sporting their new pj pants santa left.

Merry Christmas!

My sister and I... friends forever.

Just a few of us posing for a Christmas picture!
Andrew, Ike, Savannah, Isaac Jr., Abi, Kata, Josh, Matthew and Anna-Maria.

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I guess I should report on my 2011 New Year's resolution in regards to dating. Drum roll please.....
I didin't go on one single date. Now don't feel sorry for me because I was spared from some potential
disasters. I did learn a few things from the online singles websites so it wasn't a total waste of time or money. I learned that I can open up to males that I trust, whether it be talking on the phone or corresponding through email. I learned that good wholesome men are nearing extinction. Lastly, I learned when the timing is right the Lord has a man in mind for me, and it will be a sacred union that will surpass my understanding.

All in a ll it's been a wonderful year. By the way, this past semester I got four A's and one A-, not bad considering I wanted to withdraw from all my classes at the beginning of the semester because of Josh's 16 day  hospitalization. I'm glad I stuck with it and the Lord helped me through. As the New Year approaches I anticipate more learning and growth to continue, thus preparing me for what the Lord has in store.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

                             Here's wishing all our friends and family a very Merry Christmas!!

                                  Thank you for all your love and support over the years.

Stripling Warriors

I've always referred to the boys' as my Stripling Warriors because I hope that they will be just as brave and strong as the ones mentioned in the Book of Mormon. "And they were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity; but behold, this was not all- they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted" (Alma 53:20).  I hope one day when they grow up they will say we did not doubt because our mother knew it. I want to leave a legacy of faith. I don't want my boys' to remember the temporal things I gave them. I only want to be remembered by the spiritual treasures of faith I displayed throughout my life.

 Being a single parent is hard, but uniquely awesome too. As a single mother I am able to have matriarchal interviews with my children. I get to take them one by one and talk with them, hear their frustrations, give advice and just listen. Some of these interviews have been special and sacred in that the Lord has shown me through his eyes how wonderful these boys' really are. As a single mother I have been able to go on "dates" with my sons'. This has become a regular tradition over the past year. I once again have one on one time with each boy in a different setting. I rotate boys each month. This month was Jacob's turn. He chose to see Captain America, then we went out to eat Panda Express, and finally we ventured over to the dollar tree for Halloween decorations. I have come to cherish these dates, or outings if you will. I get to see who they really are away from their brothers. We get to talk and share. I believe it makes them feel special and valued. My hope as they get older, is that they will know that I am here for them and that they can talk to me. 

There have been other great blessings I've had with this unique temporary calling as a single mother. Most importantly I couldn't do any of it without the companionship of the Holy Ghost, and a loving Savior and Heavenly Father who answer my prayers and hear my pleas. I am a better mother for having to experience single parenthood. The circumstances are not ideal, and some would think unfortunate, but the Lord compensates for the losses we have experienced. He makes our family whole and complete. I am honored to be entrusted with these 5 Stripling Warriors.

                                                       Jacob and I before our outing!

True, Real, Lasting Love

So this week, here in the beautiful land of Utah, is BYU Education Week where thousands of people from all over the world come to be edified and uplifted spiritually. The myriad of classes range from marriage and family, to finances, addiction recovery, blended families, to just plain doctrinal concepts. It's a time for reflection upon life, and learning through the Holy Ghost of how our own personal life can be more meaningful and happier. Yes, we all do this on our own from time to time, but coming to Education Week offers a unique way of learning that lights a fire that burns bright and long to make those necessary changes.

I love to listen to S. Michael Wilcox because of the "principles" he pulls out from just about every scripture story there is, in every book of scripture (Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price). I love that he shares with us what we can learn from each account. For example, the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19:1-21. Elijah is extremely discouraged about life so he goes away to hide.           S. Michael Wilcox calls this the "Sitting Under the Juniper Tree" principle. He finds a juniper tree and sits under it and asks the Lord if he can just die. He's tired of his circumstances and wants to give up. So the Lord sends an angel to nourish and strengthen him, and what does he do, he gets up and travels a long distance only to go hide in a cave. Now this is despair we have all felt in our own lives, or maybe I'm just speaking for myself. The Lord asks him, what are you doing here? You'll have to read it to find out the rest of the story, but the point here is that sometimes we linger too long in the valley of sorrow, despair, or discouragement. The Lord wants us to be happy, it's OK to GO THERE, but to linger long is not. He sends us comfort in those valleys, but sometimes we don't want to accept it...we just want to linger there. When he thinks it's been long enough he will ask of us to get up, act, do, and get out of the cave and from under the Juniper tree. Another wonderful point S. Michael Wilcox brought up was in verse 12 about the still small voice (Holy Ghost). The Lord is within whispering distance(very near) in our juniper tree, cave moments; therefore, we can hear that still small voice. OK so now you see why I love listening to him.

I learned many principles as I listened to three hours worth of his lectures, but I only wish to share what the Holy Ghost taught me on my drive home from Education Week. In the last lecture he talked a lot about his deceased wife. She recently passed away and his heart is very tender for her. He spoke of this love and bond he has with her; something I know nothing about. I have never known that kind of love that should exist between a covenant wife and husband. I started feeling a little depressed about that, especially on the drive home. I thought, wow I've lived 38 years and have never experienced that true, deep spousal love, how sad for me. Then the Holy Ghost reminded me of something very important : I have almost daily experience with a true, real, lasting love that is greater than spousal love. It is the LOVE from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I do know of their love and it is real, it is lasting, it is sustaining, it encompasses everything. It has power to make us feel whole, special, even divine. What greater love could we ever experience...none! If we have their love we can do anything, be anything. The relationship we have with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ should be our utmost priority because then we have the potential to experience the greatest riches we can know on earth, the merging of two souls into one, that spousal love.

Joshua's surgery

We have been fortunate not to have had many surgeries since Josh was born. He of course had his myelomeningocele repaired 24hrs. after he was born (putting the spine into the back and closing it up). He had his VP shunt placed one month after he was born because of  Arnold Chiari malformation which causes hydrocephalus, and that's been the extent of his surgeries. I chose for him to get a cecostomy(ACE) while he's young so he can avoid embarrassing social situations because of his bowel incontinence. This will allow him continence and also to not have to wear pull-ups for the rest of his life. I'm sure he will thank me for it when he's older. The surgery went well!  He's been at Primary Children's hospital. Can I just say that this hospital rocks. They have this way cool Forever Young Zone for patient's and their siblings to come play and do craft projects and just have fun. Last night we made volcanoes and had fun watching them erupt. They have a nice parent resource room too that's full of snacks, there are computers to use, and literature to read. They definitely make the patients and families feel like it's a second home. The doctor and all the nurses have been great. Here are some pictures of Josh before and after surgery.

                                                Pre-surgery- Josh with his Chipmunk crew

 

                                             Two of my brother's came to visit me!

I am hoping to bring him home Saturday. Thank you everyone for your prayers and well wishes.

Jumpin' Jahosaphat...it's July!

So July is a big month for our family because there are 3 birthdays.
This year they are big deal birthdays, at least two of them. My oldest will turn 13 and be an official teenager.

 The second oldest will be 12, big deal in the church because of Priesthood ordination, Boy Scouts, and graduation from Primary.

I can't believe how quickly they grow up. In a few short years they will be serving missions, and I will be officially OLD, but for now I will be 38 years young this month. I'm also going "Coastal with Kenny". For my birthday my sis and I are going to the Kenny Chessney concert at the Usana July 9th.

What else could be going on in the month of July? Well, this little guy will be having surgery next week. As most of you know he has Spina Bifida which entails a lot of complications, two of which are a neurogenic bladder and bowel. What's that you say? Well, basically the message never gets to his brain that his bladder and bowels are full of waste because of the compromised spine. Catheterizations are routine, bowel treatments vary. Well Josh will be able to get an ACE (antegrade continence enema) which will allow fecal continence. Yippee! This little one is a trooper.

Lastly, for the month of July we will be venturing on our annual Navarro family campout!
We are very excited about this, as we love camping and being out in nature. So Jumpin' Jahosaphat
July is here and we are loving it.

Happy Mother's Day

My 5 "stripling warriors" spoiled me this morning! One brought me breakfast in bed, one cleaned the bathroom, and one folded the basket of laundry that was in my room. It's so nice that they served without being asked to. The two youngest drew and wrote special notes to me. It made me feel special and grateful to know that they love me. I am honored that the Lord would entrust 5 of his sons to me. I hope to honor him by continuing to raise these boys unto him. I am blessed.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers who love and give so much.
"She who rears successfully a family of...beautiful sons and daughters...deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God". - David O. McKay

Glorious Easter Morn

When we think it's all about us, it's really all about HIM!
http://lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/none-were-with-him?lang=eng


Remember...
http://lds.org/pages/his-sacred-name-an-easter-declaration?lang=eng



"But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ". Mosiah 16:8

Memorabilia, Memories, Molding

So today I've been doing a "Spring" cleaning project with my cramped, unorganized closet. I came across a box full of memorabilia. In this box there were missionary journals, lots of photos from high school and young adult days, my days as a youth in the church, and photos from all the military friends I've made, etc. Looking through some of the photos made me sad, others made me laugh out loud, and most offered sweet fond memories. There are just some years in my life I would never, ever want to live over. Other years that were sweet and brought much joy and happiness. All in all, walking down memory lane has made my heart tender to know that all the time I was being "molded" into who I am today. I love who I am today. I am not perfect, but I have peace, joy, and love in my life. I wouldn't want it any other way. I finally know who I am, and am becoming a better person with each passing day. I'm grateful for all of life's experiences that have been molding me, and the ones that will continue... it's a life long process. When it's all over I hope we can all look back on our beautiful, wonderful lives and feel like we made a difference. Feel like we came, did, and learned what we were supposed to learn. It will be worth every heartache, every stumbling block, every "cross" we are called to carry because we will have become like HIM. "Walk" down memory lane some time, see how far you've come and the priceless wisdom you've gained through life's experiences. The phrase older and wiser makes so much sense. If we knew the things we know now, maybe we wouldn't have been such idiotic teenagers, or made such foolish youthful choices, but it's all part of the learning process. My wish is that my children will be better than I was. I think we all wish for that. What are we being "molded" into...I believe it is something divine.

Memories, Mom, Mexican Food

Today would have been my mom's 60th birthday! Who knew that her 59th birthday would be her last. We certainly had no inkling, but maybe she did. We never truly know the exact hour we will be taken from this life, hence we should make the most of every day. We should love with all our hearts everyday. We should express that love loud and clear.

I remember the very day, March 3, 2010, that everything would change for my mom and us. I was sitting at the table(in our apartment in Orem) reading one of my homework assignments, and Josh was playing with toys. I can distinctly remember the impressions that my life was going to be changing soon. Naturally I thought it had to do with me remarrying, since I look forward to that and hope for it. I then received a phone call from my dad. He sounded distressed. He was driving my mother to a doctor's appointment heading towards PG. As I was on the phone with him he abruptly said I think your mother is dying. She had just dropped the small trash can she had in her hand. She needed that because she was always nauseated, and throwing up. He said he was going to stop at the PG fire department for help. I quickly scooped up Josh and ran to the van. I started crying, and called my sisters. When I got to the PG fire department the ambulance was already leaving the fire station. They had resuscitated my mother. Over the next few days, lots of family came to visit my mother. It was a blessing that she came back, even if it was only for 5 days, because it gave us all an opportunity to share with her how we felt. I remember on March 8, 2010 when we took the tubing out of her throat, her face lit up and a peaceful countenance blanketed her being. She was so happy that we had made that decision for her. She was now ready to go. We brought her home on Hospice care and she passed away 2-1/2 hours later amongst family and friends.

She might be gone from this mortal sphere, but I feel her spirit near. She is aware of us, and is watching over us. She is HAPPY! She can see now, she can LIVE again. I pay a special tribute to my dad for caring for her, especially the last year of her life when her health was disintegrating. He served her for 40 years, and I know she is forever grateful.

Today my sisters, dad, and I will celebrate by going to eat Mexican food at Rubio's (one of her fave places). We are also going to put flowers on her grave site in Lindon. So here's to memories, Mom, and Mexican food...

Trials, Tragedies, Truly Blessed

I am one lucky girl. How many single moms have the love and support of family, like I do? How many single moms have ex-husbands who faithfully pay child support and alimony every month, like I do? How many single moms don't have to work outside the home? How many single moms can attend college, while their own children are at school, and then be able to be a full-time mom when they're home? How many single moms live in a great ward where they feel valued, accepted, and needed, like I do? How many single moms get to attend the temple every week because the temple is only 15 minutes away? How many single moms...the list could go on and on about how truly blessed I am in my present circumstances. I'm not trying to boast at all, I'm just amazed at how good the Lord is to me. He makes my burden light! He sends peace to my heart and soul. I don't ever want to do anything that would take away that peace. I am grateful  for my trials, I wouldn't want anyone elses. I was privileged to attend a fireside tonight of a remarkable woman who survived an airplane crash, but was badly burned over 70% of her body. She is a living testament that miracles still exist today, and that God helps us overcome tragedy. Through the tragedies of life we get to learn things about ourselves that are crucial for our eternal progression. The Lord knows just the tragedies we need in our lives to help us rediscover the spiritual beings we've always been. We did live before we were born. There was a pre-earth life. I believe as we overcome our trials and tragedies, with the Lord's help, we get heavenly reminders of how wonderful we really are. We can make it, we are wonderful, if we have the Lord first and foremost in our lives. 

Special Needs, Special Child, Special Love

Six years ago, next week, I gave birth to a baby boy - Joshua. Everything that happened leading up to his birth was divine intervention- from the timing of my sister's arrival to TN, to me being dilated to a 6 for a week and not going into labor, to the Brooks famiy's love and support. Peter was a world away (Iraq) and could not be there for the birth. I had no idea of what was to transpire following my son's birth. My sister and dear friend Jennifer went with me that morning to the hospital. My dear friend's husband took my other 4 boys into his home and cared for them - along with his own children which included an infant. To this day I can't believe he agreed to do that, but he did...what an amazing man.

It's finally time for me to push and after 3 pushes Joshua is finally here. Immediately I saw this rather large bloody sac of some sort on his back. My doctor said, "I think it's Spina Bifida". I had never heard that term before, and it worried me. A Peds doctor came in and confirmed the diagnosis of Spina Bifida. We were able to Red Cross Peter so he could come home for the surgery. They placed Joshua on my stomach with his backside up, as to not compromise the sac. He was only there for 5 minutes. I was sad that I didn't get to hold him in my arms. About 2 hours later they ambulanced him to Vanderbilt Children's hospital in Nashville. 2 hours later I was able to be with him down there. What a blessing that I had a natural birth (no medication) which enabled me to be discharged just 4 hours after giving birth. Nicole took the reigns of motherhood to my other 4 so I could be with Josh at Vanderbilt. Clarksville 1st Ward stepped right up to help, we had so much love and support from everyone. 24 hours after Josh's birth he had the surgery to repair the myleomeningecele. He was in the NICU for a week, and a month later he had a VP shunt placed in his head because of hydrocephalus. His lesion was L2-L3. I guess  you can say I had a crash course with Spina Bifida in the following months.

It was quite overwhelming taking care of a child w/ Special Needs and I couldn't believe that the Lord would give me such a child when he knew my marriage was disintegrating. A couple of years later I learned why he gave me Joshua - LOVE. Joshua is so full of love and he gives it so freely. I needed that so desperately in my life and still do. There's something about Josh that attracts people to him. Everyone wants to be his friend, young and old- even the teenage girls, which his older brother's get jealous about. He is so confident and full of hope. It's still a challenge caring for all his medical needs - catheing, irrigation of the bowels, medications, doctor visits, orthotics, etc. I still get paid with lots of hugs and kisses, and he's helping me to be more patient and kind as I care for his daily needs. The Lord knew what I needed to help consume the dross that lies within me and help me be a more Christ-like person. Here's to Special Needs, a Special Child, and a Special Love that I get to be apart of.

New Year's Resolutions - 2011

So I've decided I need to start this blog, so that I can open up more and let more people into our lives. I've been very "closed up" for many years now because of hurt and rejection, but it's time to let other people in even if that means risking my emotions. I'm one to only let a few select people really get into my heart and mind, but I've realized this entitles me to very few friends and a very pathetic social life. So here's to New Year's Resolutions of opening up more, getting out more, and living life more fully. So to really put this into aciton I got brave and signed up for a free trial of ldssingles.com. As I sat there filling out all the necessary information I couldn't believe that my life has come to the point where I need these kind of resources to date and meet LDS men. I know there are crazy men out there: liars, cheaters, porn addicts, gay men, socio-paths, but I also know there are a few good men who had lousy wives who might have been like those crazy men I just mentioned. There might also be some great men who are widowers, and want to remarry, or great men who have never been married yet. So here's to being cautious, following the Spirit, and hoping to date more in 2011. I have been pleasantly surprised to find that I am still attractive to the opposite sex, even at my age, and having 5 children. Looking forward to this New Year of endless possibilities...