Divorce-aversary

It may seem weird that I am acknowledging my divorce-aversary today. Most people acknowledge and celebrate their anniversary and remember how many years they have been married. They reflect on all the great times and maybe even the hard times. They thank God for their marriage and hope for many good years to come. Divorced people acknowledge, celebrate (some do), and count the years they've been divorced. We too reflect on the good times(though few), but mainly the heart wrenching times, and then we celebrate and thank the Lord that we are free from decade(s) (some longer, some shorter) of growing pains.

 With all this being said I do not believe in divorce, I believe in marriage between a husband and wife, but sometimes the Lord tells us to do something we don't want to do. He knows the hearts of the individuals involved. He knew that I needed to let go because the heart of my spouse was turning to things that were not conducive to a marriage and a family. As hard as it has been I am forever grateful the Lord endorsed my decision, helped me let go, and has healed me from a chronic broken heart and shattered dreams. The children are the innocent victims, but the Lord loves the little ones with a special kind of love that will bind up their broken hearts. "...the Redeemer was annointed to bind up the brokenhearted"(Doctrine and Covenants 138:42). He loves to mend broken things and he is mending us. It was the perfect time for me to "get out" for the children's sake. A time that would be less painful for them, if that's even possible, but it is because the Lord endorsed it. He knew we would come out stronger for having the experience. He knew our hearts would be more compassionate towards others who suffer. He knew we would love each other and hold on tight to what we had left from this experience.

It has been 4 years since I have been officially divorced. It's been six years that I have been a single parent. Six years ago Peter was in Iraq for a year, and then we were separated for a year; hence six years as a single parent. I must say it does get easier in some ways. The only thing that is constant is not having a companion to share the responsibility of parenting- a calling "that was always meant for two". Sure it gets lonely, but I would much rather be a single mother with my peace, joy, and love intact than miserably married with no peace, joy, or love.

I have incredible hope for future blessings of marriage and possibly more kiddos whether I carry another child or become a stepmother or both. :-) Yes, I do want another one. It's in the Lord's hands so it's going to take time. I'm willing to wait because his timing is always right. I'm willing to wait because the boys and I deserve the best. The best is yet to be...