Trials, Tragedies, Truly Blessed

I am one lucky girl. How many single moms have the love and support of family, like I do? How many single moms have ex-husbands who faithfully pay child support and alimony every month, like I do? How many single moms don't have to work outside the home? How many single moms can attend college, while their own children are at school, and then be able to be a full-time mom when they're home? How many single moms live in a great ward where they feel valued, accepted, and needed, like I do? How many single moms get to attend the temple every week because the temple is only 15 minutes away? How many single moms...the list could go on and on about how truly blessed I am in my present circumstances. I'm not trying to boast at all, I'm just amazed at how good the Lord is to me. He makes my burden light! He sends peace to my heart and soul. I don't ever want to do anything that would take away that peace. I am grateful  for my trials, I wouldn't want anyone elses. I was privileged to attend a fireside tonight of a remarkable woman who survived an airplane crash, but was badly burned over 70% of her body. She is a living testament that miracles still exist today, and that God helps us overcome tragedy. Through the tragedies of life we get to learn things about ourselves that are crucial for our eternal progression. The Lord knows just the tragedies we need in our lives to help us rediscover the spiritual beings we've always been. We did live before we were born. There was a pre-earth life. I believe as we overcome our trials and tragedies, with the Lord's help, we get heavenly reminders of how wonderful we really are. We can make it, we are wonderful, if we have the Lord first and foremost in our lives. 

Special Needs, Special Child, Special Love

Six years ago, next week, I gave birth to a baby boy - Joshua. Everything that happened leading up to his birth was divine intervention- from the timing of my sister's arrival to TN, to me being dilated to a 6 for a week and not going into labor, to the Brooks famiy's love and support. Peter was a world away (Iraq) and could not be there for the birth. I had no idea of what was to transpire following my son's birth. My sister and dear friend Jennifer went with me that morning to the hospital. My dear friend's husband took my other 4 boys into his home and cared for them - along with his own children which included an infant. To this day I can't believe he agreed to do that, but he did...what an amazing man.

It's finally time for me to push and after 3 pushes Joshua is finally here. Immediately I saw this rather large bloody sac of some sort on his back. My doctor said, "I think it's Spina Bifida". I had never heard that term before, and it worried me. A Peds doctor came in and confirmed the diagnosis of Spina Bifida. We were able to Red Cross Peter so he could come home for the surgery. They placed Joshua on my stomach with his backside up, as to not compromise the sac. He was only there for 5 minutes. I was sad that I didn't get to hold him in my arms. About 2 hours later they ambulanced him to Vanderbilt Children's hospital in Nashville. 2 hours later I was able to be with him down there. What a blessing that I had a natural birth (no medication) which enabled me to be discharged just 4 hours after giving birth. Nicole took the reigns of motherhood to my other 4 so I could be with Josh at Vanderbilt. Clarksville 1st Ward stepped right up to help, we had so much love and support from everyone. 24 hours after Josh's birth he had the surgery to repair the myleomeningecele. He was in the NICU for a week, and a month later he had a VP shunt placed in his head because of hydrocephalus. His lesion was L2-L3. I guess  you can say I had a crash course with Spina Bifida in the following months.

It was quite overwhelming taking care of a child w/ Special Needs and I couldn't believe that the Lord would give me such a child when he knew my marriage was disintegrating. A couple of years later I learned why he gave me Joshua - LOVE. Joshua is so full of love and he gives it so freely. I needed that so desperately in my life and still do. There's something about Josh that attracts people to him. Everyone wants to be his friend, young and old- even the teenage girls, which his older brother's get jealous about. He is so confident and full of hope. It's still a challenge caring for all his medical needs - catheing, irrigation of the bowels, medications, doctor visits, orthotics, etc. I still get paid with lots of hugs and kisses, and he's helping me to be more patient and kind as I care for his daily needs. The Lord knew what I needed to help consume the dross that lies within me and help me be a more Christ-like person. Here's to Special Needs, a Special Child, and a Special Love that I get to be apart of.

New Year's Resolutions - 2011

So I've decided I need to start this blog, so that I can open up more and let more people into our lives. I've been very "closed up" for many years now because of hurt and rejection, but it's time to let other people in even if that means risking my emotions. I'm one to only let a few select people really get into my heart and mind, but I've realized this entitles me to very few friends and a very pathetic social life. So here's to New Year's Resolutions of opening up more, getting out more, and living life more fully. So to really put this into aciton I got brave and signed up for a free trial of ldssingles.com. As I sat there filling out all the necessary information I couldn't believe that my life has come to the point where I need these kind of resources to date and meet LDS men. I know there are crazy men out there: liars, cheaters, porn addicts, gay men, socio-paths, but I also know there are a few good men who had lousy wives who might have been like those crazy men I just mentioned. There might also be some great men who are widowers, and want to remarry, or great men who have never been married yet. So here's to being cautious, following the Spirit, and hoping to date more in 2011. I have been pleasantly surprised to find that I am still attractive to the opposite sex, even at my age, and having 5 children. Looking forward to this New Year of endless possibilities...