Happy February! I normally would not share a journal entry with you, but feel inclined to because sometimes when we share our struggles it helps others. Some of you may relate with what I share,
so we will all be in good company. I wanted to title my blog "Fleeing Ninevah" but decided not to because my children are not intentionally evil and wicked like the people of Ninevah were. So I titled it "Lessons Learned" because I did learn some lessons today.
Journal entry :
Today has been extremely difficult. My children have been especially difficult with their stubborness, moods, and temperments. Stake Conference was a burden because I had unruly children to deal with. My heart was heavy with anger and frustration. I couldn't wait to get out of Stake Conference. Once home I still felt discouraged and was on the verge of tears. It was the first time ever as a single parent that I wanted to flee. I needed to get away. I thought about where I could go. I didn't really have many options. I thought of going to Temple Square, then I thought of going to Nicole's Mid-Singles Adult ward since I hadn't gotten anything out of Stake Conference. So I walked in the kitchen and told my Dad I needed to get away for a few hours. He let me take his car. As I drove there my heart was heavy, I was trying to fight back the tears. I felt like Jonah a little because I was "running away" from this calling the Lord had entrusted me with, that of being a single parent. The only difference was that I was running to the Lord for help and relief instead of running away. I knew I would find comfort in attending sacrament meeting and I surely did. As I sat through the meeting listening to the faith-filled testimonies I could feel the heaviness become lighter. I felt like every word I heard was oil filling my spiritual lamp. One thing that really stood out to me from a few of the testimonies being shared was the fact that we have no right to counsel the Lord. We have no right to counsel him to give us what we want in life because we think it's our right to have it. We should, however, counsel WITH the Lord in all our doings, and he will direct us towards good. It might not be what we want, but what he knows will be good for us. Elder Holland posed a question, regarding the Savior and us, that I've had to remind myself of lately : "HOW COULD WE BELIEVE IT WOULD BE EASY FOR US WHEN IT WAS NEVER, EVER EASY FOR HIM?" (Think about that one for a while when you are murmuring like Laman and Lemuel). The experiences of today have softened my heart, and I have found myself expressing sincere gratitude for the 99.9% of the time that my Savior carries me. I guess today was a humble reminder of how often he really is helping me. I certainly can not pick up this "cross" of single parenthood again without His divine help. I truly am nothing without him. Thank you Lord for directing me towards good.
So there you have it, lessons learned from a now more peaceful daughter of God. I hope your Sabbath has been full of lessons learned and love shared! Until next time...
